Stream of Consciousness

I need more than just a race to get excited for. I need more than just a bat to make both ball and spirit soar. I need you, in whatever form, through pictures or in some futuristic world. That other stuff is cool and boys will be boys, but it's just a game and no one is really keeping score. I want to be called in from recess today and with you, find rest. Let me try to put this into words. There are lots of pretty faces out there. Fun, temperamental, and smokin' hot "girls." But there's another, superior kind, a real woman...una MUJER, mejor dicho. Ripe, glowing, full of motherhood. She who though being conquered and thoroughly smitten, retains complete mastery over you. It confirms my belief that what men are looking for is some strange combination of physical beauty and maternal affection. Gracias, Senor, por ayudarme alcanzar mi potencial. Aunque el deporte no es todo en la vida, tampoco puedo negar que soy atleta primero que nada. Me gusta andar por las afueras, el cuerpo entrenar, competir y simplemente jugar. Quizas me hace un poco diferente pero todavia siento, amo, y me caigo como los demas. Lo dificil es aceptar, sin tratar de cambiar, y al fin dejar que nos quieran por lo que somos en realidad. Entiendo ahora lo que mis padres sienten, por ver y hacerme feliz. Contigo igual, y si no con un beso, entonces con el monetero, y si no con ser atleta, entonces con estar siempre a tu derecha. Porque estar a tres pasos de ti, es ser el ultimo en llegar, tal como he aprendido en el deporte, cuando termino en segundo, tercer, o cuarto lugar. Llega un momento donde todo parece ridiculo. Yo, con una media puesta sin la otra, perdiendo la cabeza, corriendo furiosamente en la rotunda. Y a donde llegar? Para que tanta prisa, que clase de locura! Quizas para bajar la fiebre, olvidar lo que uno no se merece, por no tener lo que siempre quise, y por lo cual ni tal vez califico. How do we explain the fear of giving up? Walking away implies forgetfulness, which implies annulment, which suggests a life lived in vain. Our real struggle is with the loss of self, the loss of intimacy, the fragility of earthly attachments, and a life whose transitory nature begs not just for extant meaning, but for transcendence. In other words, we loved each other once and in Heaven I shall only love you better. There are things in life we need, from which we can't depart. There are things we like, of which we can't get enough. There are things we want, that keep us moving on. There are things we love, that till death due us part. And then there's you, namely, all of the above. Let me worship at the altar of your Beauty, reflection of divine artistry, and thus refraining from idolatry. Imagine me, a penitent upon one knee, and beginning with thy feet, fawning over thee. Exhaling with every kiss, stroking with each caress, and repeating your name softly as upwards I digress. O' blessed Woman, my holy temple, incensed and nude, let me smother you with tender brushes, hold you close in a bed of roses, and be baptized into sainthood.Porque las razones nunca faltan, porque el corazon no se cansa, y porque el tiempo contigo jamas se acaba. Voy cayendo lentamente en un magico delirio con el presentimiento que algo muy pero muy especial ha aparecido en mi vida. Como un sueno que se va realizando y, bendito sea Dios, un deseo cuyo tiempo ha llegado. Te amo como el resplandor de un verano inclemente, que al llegar las lluvias, esas aguas refrescantes, me restituye con sus poderes. Los rayos que alumbran el cielo tempestuoso es mi corazon tronando por ti. Prefiero la espina a la cuchilla, lo temporal al desafio total. Porque la perfeccion no existe, y cualquier planeta donde usted no se encuentre, me sabe amargo y a pura mierda, con el agua del mar, volviendo mas salada. Hace falta un Dios, pienso yo, que no solo sienta nuestro dolor pero que tome accion en nuestro favor. Alguien que derrumbe los males y corriga las injusticias. Con tantas personas buenas y entendedoras, y sin embargo, los amores se van gastando. No quiero un Dios mudo ni impotente. Quiero uno que baje del Cielo con sus tropas angelicas y reclame este mundo en el nombre del Amor. El sufrimiento que observo, la tristeza que vivo yo dia a dia, no es tiempo ya para que lo absurdo se convierta comprensible? No hay opresion mas real, que ser esclavo a la soledad. Y como no soy hombre de politica o de nacionalidad, celebro la independencia que me otorgas tu, amor mio, la que libera este corazon con ganas de volar. Que hago yo cuando el domingo es por la tarde y el campeon se hace cobarde y pregunta, donde estas? Que estoy haciendo yo sin ti, companera mia? I don't know about fallen angels, broken wings, or the world's approaching end, but I know at least one I fall in love with every day, each time and all over again.Most one-hit wonders become rich and famous overnight, only later to have their value drop out of sight. But you, my one-hit wonder, my fixed and brightest star, retain the highest ratings on a scale from one to thou. For after you there is no sequel in my heart, only a number that plays on as the undisputed #1 on the charts. When the novelty wears off and the exotic becomes familiar, when excitement turns to predictability and the comfort of routine, when every day starts to take on a soothing rhythmic quality... I'll still be here loving you more and more with each passing moon. In my sleep, we walked together...in my dreams, we sat and talked. It's one thing to never have seen Giza or stepped inside Europe's sacred cathedrals, but when you've been with the eighth, ninth, tenth...wonder of the world, that's when waking up just plain sucks because nothing will ever compare. Ni la luna, en toda su majestad esta noche, brillaba con el mismo resplandor que alumbra tu rostro. Como si la belleza del mundo existiera solo a traves de ti, y sin ella no hay manera de vivir, o tal vez entre memorias y recuerdos que has dejado por ahi. Llevala de la mano en los peores tiempos, y entregale toda la vida en el beso mas intenso. Que el amor sea el fundamento cuando la lleves al altar, adornando sus pasos con un jardin de flores, tocando de emociones, y regalandole cada dia un perfume de mil olores. Ay, Rosa, Rosa, tan maravillosa, como blanca Diosa, como flor hermosa, tu amor me condena a la dulce pena de sufrir. Ay, Rosa, Rosa, pide lo que quieras pero nunca pidas que mi amor se muera, agonizo por ti. I am haunted by a figure receding into the distance. "Wait, don't go. Feet don't fail me now"....ahh, the cruelty of that disengagement.Come back to reality, O' wretched man, snap out of it. Let demi-gods be bygones. And restore my innocence, a virginity stolen by her alien grace. Take me back to a simpler time and place, before being baptized by her christening pace, when running was mere mortal play. I'll never be the same again, or feel as dead, when losing contact in a race. Running is fundamentally an ACT OF FAITH. You train and then wait for the results to appear, respecting the opposition with a healthy kind of fear. You go out at a pace that on paper is unfathomable. Mile 3, sub-18, what's another 10 of pure agony? Or you believe, as I do, that there must be a reason she's here once again. Helping to explain why your love is not in vain, why the finish line seems closer this way. I've been on runs where nobody is waiting for you to return. Runs that begin in haste, come up short, or get written off for some other day. But I've never felt freer than when you would say, go do your thing, I'll be right here. That is love. To bring out the best and remove all fear. It made me a stronger runner and twice the better man. She's really something. To say more would be to detract from the unspeakable. The best way to capture it is with a sigh, a smile from ear to ear, and walking back to my apartment like a zombie trying to figure out what just hit him or how it would ever be possible to outlive the small miracle that is each time I see her face. No me digas que ahora estas perdido, comi si de pronto la vida le faltara su sentido. Que tu depresion no tiene explicacion, el no poder dormir, corriendo peor que nunca. No hace tanto la filosofia me servia bien. El amor me correspondia or por lo menos la esperanza existia. Por eso creo que la salida debe por algun lado estar, y cuando la encuentre todo volvera ser exitoso, profundo, y mas que nada bello al parecer. Notice that nobody ever walks away from something you can't replace. Lost causes are abandoned and painful trips cursed, but the the real deal...the holy grail...it compels you, moves you, resucitates you. It moves the finish line closer and throws a tailwind at your back. You want to drop out, but dammit, you're in the lead and losing first, the best that ever was, is of all tragedies the worst. It wasn't just the burrito or the fact that it's been months since I've indulged my palate that freely. It was the table for two in the corner, thoughts of you, thoughts of me, dipping our chips in salsa and guacamole. We would plan our day, our lives, whole moons would pass by, and soon Chipotle became a symbol for all time. One love, for here and not (never) to go. Dame solo una vista, un pedazito de ti, por casualidad tropezar o de una distancia admirar. En eso veras encender mi rostro, desaparecer esta mirada sin fondo, este cuerpo gastado, y las ganas volver. Porque eres mi choque de alma, mi golpe despertador. I woke up in a fog today. The air was dense and everything unclear. So what else is new? It's been weeks since I could see the light of day, months since I could, through cloudy mists, breathe in the vapors of your healing, cosmic rays. Hardcore distance running, in a vacuum and outside of meaningful sub-narratives, makes you a lightweight, earth-gliding, and self-absorbed Nazi at the expense of every other dimension of physical, social, and financial well-being. What happens when you take away the most important thing a man has? Not all men, born of clay Can rise above the ashes That define their mortal frame The Raven is that man, that myth, that legend A hero in his own backyard While some people leave footprints in the sand, he builds sand castles And as sure as he builds, the people, they come A songwriter at heart He turned tragedy into triumph His mystique becoming an act of defiance Against a world which did him wrong His greatest hit is the one that plays everyday For as sure as the sun rises in the East The Raven will appear on a stage that's properly his The one-man show, the self-made man A product of his circumstances But no victim to fate Sometimes life can be so absurd That putting one foot in front of the other May seem like the only logical thing to do What if it's all in the sand? What if you haven't missed a day in 34 years? What if you're running to stay clear from the haunts of a ghoulish past? You'd be Robert Kraft, author of his own craft. Figura Demacrada Con huesos al punto de quebrar Siento que mis pasos van hundiendo La sangre ardiendo y El sudor en plena bancarrota Mareado estoy de andar en circulos Suspirando con aire robado De pulmones asfixiados Sigo marchando sin trasladar Sigo al frente, sin saber todo lo que dejo atras Pero el paso sigue igual El sol con su rumbo normal El tiempo una carga funeral Voy de prisa haber si salgo de este destino Donde estas, nina mia? Tanto que te necesito Tuya es toda la importancia Como hombre de cabeza a las puntas de los dedos Se reconoce que en este hueco destacante solo cabe lo feminino Te conozco ya? Haremos tropezados? Al cantar y dedicar estos versos Espero dar portal a tu existencia Materializando en nombre y presencia